By Lisa Kubicki, Communication Maven for Mom’s Morning Retreat
Self-compassion means many things – it means caring for oneself, it means dropping the negative self-talk, it means appreciating everything about yourself with patience and genuine love.
Life changes can make it challenging to do any one of those things, let alone each of them. You have to adapt and adjust and re-prioritize when curve balls come your way. It’s during that necessary adaptation that your self-compassion can most be called into question.
I’m finding my self-compassion is running near empty. I was a single mom and now I’m an only parent. To kick off 2019, I imagined the life I wanted to create for the two of us, the person I wanted to be every day. And I outlined how I was going to work toward that vision, making 1% commitments and changes every day. Just a few days in, I found out that I needed to adjust. There was no choice offered, no compromise, just informed. And so I must adjust that dream and adapt the commitments and actions I was planning, and re-prioritize the 1% gains.
Of course that’s all possible. “It is what it is.” And, my logical brain can think my way through it. That’s one way to view it. It’s not a very self-compassionate view. When I let my heart take the lead, I cry about the change. I cry about the implication for my daughter. I cry that I have lost having one night a week to myself, by myself. I get mad. I get hurt. I get indignant. That doesn’t seem very self-compassionate either. But it is. I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable and feel the pain. I’m kicking myself in the butt to figure it out, I’m giving myself room to feel it all, I’m pumping myself up with quotes of strength and positivity.
And now I must exercise much greater self-compassion, as that will get me through this change. I can and will give myself a break, lots of them. I will offer patience to myself, and remind myself that I’m human and therefore imperfect and constantly growing. I will appreciate the +1% that I am able to achieve and make happen. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll arrange for a sitter and give myself that night off (and throw in a massage or a glass of wine to top it all off).